Man Tries To Sell The Word "The" On Ebay

You gotta love Ebay. Anything you want you can find there. Including the word "the". Yep, an Australian man was selling the word 'the' written on a piece of paper on eBay. The bidding reached over $10,000 before eBay pulled the listing. The enterprising seller, who goes by the username 'sweatyman' has listed the item's condition as "very good" adding that the word is "ideal for any situation". No, there's nothing special about it. It's not an ancient piece of text, or written by someone famous. Just a piece of paper with the word "the" written on it. In the item's description, 'sweatyman' writes that the item is: "Handwritten with blue ballpoint pen, on a torn piece of Reflex A4 paper, this versatile word can be used in literally thousands of sentences. For example: 'The dogs have escaped again'; 'I will buy some meat from the local deli.'; What's the time?" I imagine he did it to see if anyone would actually bid on it, which many did. More power to him, I say!

Wanted: Panda Nannies!

As the old saying goes, choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life. And this could be the greatest job in the world: Panda Nannie! China's Giant Panda Protection and Research Center is now recruiting caretakers whose main duties will be to hang out with panda cubs and love them and cuddle them. These so-called panda nannies will earn $32,000 a year and will receive free meals and accommodations. Find out more here.

Isn't This Going A Bit Too Far?

It's graduation time again, and one of the traditional events surrounding the end of the school year is the Honors ceremonies. These ceremonies celebrate the achievements of students throughout the school year, but check this out: A Connecticut middle school is receiving criticism for its decision to cancel "Honors Night" so as not to offend those who haven't achieved them. According to the East Greenwich Patch, officials at Archie R. Cole Middle School pulled the plug on the event because, "Members of the school community have long expressed concerns related to the exclusive nature" of highlighting the hard work of the school's best and brightest. Instead, the good students will be highlighted in "team-based ceremonies" that will, "celebrate the individual and collective success of all students and their effort, progress and excellence.” The nature of the change didn't sit well with many, judging by the reactions the story has gathered online. "And all sporting competitions should end in a tie," griped one. "Life ain't fair either. What're you going to do about that?" vented another. Isn't this going too far in the politically correct department? These kids deserve the accolades of doing well in their studies, don't they? Or should we more sensitive to kids who don't "win"?

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?

So how would you interpret this? OWN (Oprah's network) said Friday that it has postponed its docu-series on Michael Sam, the first openly-gay football player to be selected in the NFL draft. In a statement obtained by ESPN, OWN president Erik Logan said that after discussion with the team that drafted Sam, the St. Louis Rams, the project was postponed in order to allow Sam the "best opportunity to achieve his dreams of making the team". Does that translate as, "We'll see if he makes the cut, cause if he doesn't nobody's gonna care about him anymore"? Hmmm.

So How Old Do You Think This Woman Is?

 

She's actually 34 years old! This Texas woman was arrested last week after it was revealed she successfully pretended to be a high school sophomore for an entire year. It's not clear why Charity Anne Johnson allegedly enrolled at the New Life Christian School in October as 15-year-old Charity Stevens. Tamica Lincoln, 30, told ABC News she had taken Johnson in after she claimed to have been an orphaned teen. "She acted like a kid. She did her homework. She got good report cards," said Lincoln, who met Johnson at their place of employ, McDonald's. "I allowed her to come into my house. I was just trying to be nice and kindhearted and get her out of the situation she was in." Principal Stuart Newlin was apparently fooled in part because Johnson claimed she'd been homeschooled and didn't have any school records. "Everyone we talked to assumed she was a teenager like she said she was, because she looked like one. She had friends," he said. "Everybody liked her." Johnson's story began to unravel when Lincoln got a phone call from a woman who ran a group for needy children that the suspect tried to join. Suspicious, Lincoln had their manager run a background check that revealed -- incorrectly -- that Johnson was 31. Johnson was charged with failure to show identification, and still is behind bars at Gregg County Jail on a $500 bond. What do you think, Would she have fooled you?

Here's A Friday "Idiots On Parade"!

A Catskill, NY man has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly driving a lawn tractor under the influence with his two young children on board. The man, Stephen W. Baran, 41, of Catskill, was arrested by the New York State Police at Catskill on Monday and charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a class A misdemeanor, according to police. Troopers report that Baran had allegedly consumed a quantity of alcohol and then drove his lawn tractor to a bar with his 6-year-old and 7-year-old children sitting on his lap. Baran was processed at the State Police at Catskill, and issued an appearance ticket returnable before the Town of Catskill Court at a later date. Being stupid by yourself is one thing, but being an idiot with your kids???

The Government Wants Your Baby's DNA

Did you know that the state of Minnesota can take and retain DNA samples of all newborn babies for genetic research without parent consent?  It's true.  Governor Mark Dayton has signed a bill to eliminate genetic privacy after newborn screening.  Selling is prohibited, but no provisions are made for giving it away, so Minnesota may now be the go-to state for free baby DNA.

Unless you break the law, the state cannot take your vehicle from you, without your consent, but in Minnesota, they can take and use your baby's DNA without consent.  Parents can opt out, but most people don't even know the DNA is being taken.  Seven other states keep Baby DNA forever.  How would you feel about the government taking your baby's DNA and using it?  Drop us an email. 

Holy Sneak Peek!

Zack Snyder, the director of the tentatively titled Batman Vs. Superman movie has tweeted the first photo of Ben Affleck as the new Batman, standing next to the latest Batmobile. The new Batman suit is dark -- though unlike others seen in previous films appears to be grey with black accents -- and thanks to its musculature, Affleck looks huge in it. The Bat symbol on his chest is dark colored, and also large, while his "bat ears" are small -- a throwback to comic legend Frank Miller's take on the Caped Crusader in his classic graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. The Batmobile is also a mix of previous Batmobile models and the newer "Tumbler" vehicle Christian Bale used in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy. The sneak peek of Affleck's Batman and his ride comes after Snyder teased fans Monday with a partial reveal of a mostly tarp-covered Batmobile via a Twitter post. "Could be time to pull the tarp…Tomorrow?" Snyder captioned the pic, which was shot in a warehouse. The sequel to Man of Steel stars Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, and Laurence Fishburne, among others. It hits theaters on May 6, 2016. Are you still a fan of the Batman series after all these years?

Today's "Idiots On Parade"!

Police in Kentucky returned a lost cellphone to its owner and placed him in cuffs after seeing the phone's wallpaper pic of the man with a massive stash of weed. Cops showed up to the residence of 23-year-old Tyler Sanderson on Friday, a day after the phone came into their possession. "The individual gave consent to search the residence there, and there was 18 pounds of marijuana we were able to seize because of that," Franklin County Sheriff Pat Melton told ABC News. "The average guy you might see a quarter-pound, maybe a half-pound, maybe even a pound. You don't see a lot. To see 18 pounds of it, that's a good lick. That's neat." 

      Sanderson was arrested on the spot and charged with trafficking marijuana over five pounds as well as possession of drug paraphernalia. An anonymous individual found the phone with the incriminating pic and left it on the vehicle of School Resource Deputy Montey Chappell in Frankfort, Kentucky, last Thursday. The deputy then turned over the phone to Franklin County Sheriff's Office Deputy Jeff Farmer, who tracked down the phone's owner. The marijuana is worth approximately $50,000, Melton said. Sanderson remains behind bars at the Franklin County Regional Jail under $10,000 bond. Ya know, when you put an incriminating photo like that on your phone for all the world to see, it's like saying, "Hey, somebody call the cops and tell 'em what I'm up to!"

Beware This Facebook Scam!

Facebook users who receive messages from friends along the lines of, "OMG YOUR PHOTOS ARE BEING USED ON THIS SITE," beware: It's a scam. Clicking the links directs users to fake blogs, which, in turn, lead to fake Facebook login pages. Anybody filling in their details and hitting enter will of course have their user name and password sent to the attacker. If you're any kind of a regular Facebook user, you might want to check out this article on the some of the most popular Facebook scams. Click here!

Did You See This!?!

Did you see this amazing video? A dashboard camera captured the moment an Iowa cop almost died last week when a large oak tree randomly cracked and slammed directly into an SUV he was ticketing. Jeremy Veach was talking to the driver, who had neglected to put her headlights on, when the 30-foot tree cracked and fell, totaling the car and slamming Veach to the ground. There was no wind in the area that night and the owners of the tree said they had no idea it had rotted because it "appeared healthy" and continued to sprout green leaves each season. Veach and the driver walked away without major injures. The SUV, which Veach was able to duck behind, bore the brunt of the damage.

No Need to Prolong the Pain

So, the NFL draft has started.  I know a lot of football fanatics who were glued to their televisions to watch a bunch of suits make labored decisions over what fresh college meat they wanted to fill in the gaps of their teams.

I am not one of those people.  Don't get me wrong, I'm intrigued by the "meat," but I'd rather hear about it afterwards, rather than watch it live.  This strikes me as being worse than watching champion chess matches on TV.  I have a hard time getting jacked up over college players making the transition to pro football anyway, mostly because it doesn't always deliver the big build-up we are subjected to for weeks and months leading up to the actual season.

As a Minnesota Viking fan, this time of the season is most painful.  Our owners and management rarely breathe hope or life into the team, but I have to admit when I heard they actually drafted a quarterback, I did perk up a bit.  Previously, that position has been the equivalent of my arrival to work each morning.  Unpredictable.  Sure, I get into the studios each morning before 6am, but it could be anytime between 5am and 5:30ish.  Yes, I said "ish."  My clock might be fast, for all I know.

Christian Ponder, while he has fabulous hair, has not been reliable for the Vikings.  Adrian Peterson has fulfilled that role pretty easily, but his age and his increasing salary over the next several years will eventually become a situation to be reckoned with, or be hurt by it.

At any rate, the first draft pick for the Vikings was a quarterback--Teddy Bridgewater.  While I'm pleased as punch that they selected a QB, you won't ever hear me waxing poetic about any draft picks.  Why?  Because nothing is guaranteed.  Fantasizing about the "what if's" and getting one's hopes up over a draft pick is flat out ludicrous.  The move from college football to pro, is much like the move from high school studies to college.  There's a pretty big learning curve, coupled with high expectations.

I'm not trying to be a negasaurus--just a realist.  NOBODY knows what the 2014 NFL season will bring--except some chuckles.  I mean the jokes are already writing themselves for the Green Bay Packer draft pick, Haha Clinton-Dix.  This one might surpass the knee-slapping fun provided for sportscasters by the moniker of Wisconsin's racing legend, Dick Trickle.  Apparently Wisconsin is on it's way to going to go down in history as the home for sports figure names that easily elicit the laughs.

Today's Idiots On Parade

Today's "Idiots On Parade" tale takes us to Illinois, where a man who was fired from his job at a stone milling company a few weeks ago allegedly returned to the company drunk last week, and stole a forklift for his new employer. According to the Herald News, his former boss spotted Javier Villasenor-Arreola allegedly swiping the forklift and using it as a getaway vehicle. Will County Sheriff's spokeswoman Kathy Hoffmeyer reports Villasenor-Arreola was stopped after a very slow-speed chase, and was arrested. Hoffmeyer said the suspect explained, "He had a new job 15 minutes away and that's where he was taking the forklift." Villasenor-Arreola was slapped with multiple charges, including burglary, vandalism, DUI, and driving an unregistered vehicle on a roadway.

It's All In How You Look At It!

So what do you see in this picture of a pancake? Well, a waitress at the Cowgirl Café in Norco, California says she found the face of Jesus on the pancake; on none other than the Catholic holiday Good Friday. The restaurant's owner Karen Hendrickson explained what the flapjack looked like. Hendrickson said, "He’s got a mustache and a beard, and it looks like he's got a receding hairline here" She added, "I said, 'Dear God, please just continue to look over the Cowgirl Café.'" The very next day, she says she was staring into the face of Jesus, on a breakfast platter. However, she says that not everyone is a believer. She shared, "Some people are saying it looks like Abraham Lincoln or a hillbilly. Some people are even saying it looks like Charles Manson." For now, she's preserving the pancake in her restaurant's freezer. So what do you see? Jesus? Abraham Lincoln? Drop us an email and tell us: johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com