Holiday Diet Tips for the Devious

I get so sick of hearing folks lament about the calories, as they're grazing at the kitchen counter of a festive gathering.  It's a time to enjoy some of the finer things in life!  Please, there's no need to overdramatize the weight you feel that you're going to gain from that cookie!  Moderation is the key to everything.  Of course, if you're like me and struggle with moderation, here are a few tips for you:

• Eat while standing, the act helps to burn calories.
• Indulge in the treats, while in the company of three or more, as calories don't count. (Three is a magic number!)
• Lick the icing off of the Christmas cut-outs and put the cookie back on the platter.
• Pick the red hots off of the cookies and just eat them.
• Take just one bite of every treat and give the rest to the child of an annoying relative to give their kid an extra boost of "energy."
• If guilt still overwhelms, resort to doing kegels while sitting at the table, drinking your cup of cheer.  (You'll sit straighter and look thinner.)

When all else fails, know that there is always someone who is fatter than you.  Also, I recommend pulling out pictures of your high school years and see how thin you were then, as compared to now.  Know that in another 10 years, you'll be wishing you were as thin as you are now. 

So seize the moment and have that cookie; just don't tell everyone how much you're going to regret the calories.  We're all wrestling with our own inner demons.  Or in my case, this year, I'll be doing my part to create sugar-laden demons, with tip number five from the above list!

How to Alienate People

I'm generally running behind on things, especially when it comes to Christmas cards.  I find it's easier to just wait until you receive Christmas cards and then reciprocate after the fact.  We'll call that my "Golden Rule of Laziness."

Yesterday, I took my handful of reactionary Christmas cards to the post office.  I thought I should get Christmas stamps for them, to give the appearance of "effort" put forth on the project.  I take every morsel of legitimacy I can scrounge together on things like this.

So, there I was, standing in line at the post office, among my slack-jawed peers, who were also marveling that Christmas would be upon us in less than a week.  As is the case often times, I avoid eye contact and try to focus on other things with interest, even if I have zero interest.  There are just some days I don't feel like engaging in conversation.  It happens.

That's when I spotted the marketing poster for the United States Post Office encouraging me to "Send Holiday Cheer," with the seasonal stamps.  "Oh good!" I thought to myself, as I was unsure which stamps would be available this year, so I could peruse that, while I waited in line.

I studied the poster.  There was a gingerbread house, a poinsettia, a celebration of Kwanza and one for Hanukkah.  The ridiculousness of it!  I mean Hanukkah is already done, so that one was out of the question.  Plus, I'm not Jewish.  

Kwanzaa, while I like to say it, I have zero idea as to what it is.  However, a quick Google search lets me know that it is an African celebration that runs from December 26 - January 1. 

Which got me thinking; we sure have this holiday stuff figured out at the end of the year.   Kwanzaa is a full week long festivity.  Hanukkah lasts eight days, so it trumps Kwanzaa by one and Christmas--if you include the entire Advent celebration--lasts between three and four weeks!  The Christmas season is by far, the longest celebration of the bunch, but yet, there weren't any specific Christmas (religious) stamps shown on the promotional poster at the post office. 

Strange that they'd highlight two religions, but not the most prevalent of the bunch here in America--Christianity.  The lack of one featured on the poster, made me want one more, just to be difficult.  I get that way sometimes.  I'm female.  

Further, you'd think in light of the challenges that the US Postal Service has had, that they would avoid putting a promotional piece out there that draws the ire of the Christian faithful, given their numbers.

Regardless, as luck would have it, when I reached the head of the line, a quick inquiry revealed that they still do carry Christian Christmas stamps.  They just didn't feature them on the promotional poster.

Again, it makes sense (not really, I'm just being sarcastic.)  Most businesses will highlight something that will attract the masses in the hopes of securing more sales.  Not so for the post office, I guess.  They highlight the lesser known religious holidays.  Good for them, marching to their own beat!  I'm sure it won't impact their viability.  I mean their business has been increasing year after year, right?

Be Tolerant, Just Not of That Guy

Double standards make me laugh.  Those who beat the drum of acceptance, but fail to accept others when their opinions differ are a huge part of the problem in this country.  Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson gave an interview to GQ magazine and now he has been "indefinitely suspended" from being on the program for remarks he made regarding homosexuality.  The ridiculousness of this whole story is astounding.

I wholeheartedly agree with a comment Phil made in the article.

"We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell.  That's the Almighty's job.  We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus--whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists.  We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?"

However, that comment is NOT at all being mentioned in all of the vitriol aimed at the patriarch of the Duck Dynasty family.

Why?  Well, because these days, people cherry-pick parts of stories and conversations, in an effort to "stir the pot" of controversy.  Plain and simple, controversy sells--almost as well as sex.  This cherry-picking happens on all sides--liberal, conservative, atheist, religious, you name it.

I feel qualified to comment on this particular topic, because I have a close relative who is openly gay.  His sexual orientation doesn't make me love him any less, nor do I judge him for it.  Just as Robertson said, it's not my place to judge.  Nor is it in my genetic make-up to turn my back on any human in need--whether homosexual or heterosexual.

But now, because this reporter inquired about some topics that he was seeking to get the Duck Commander's opinion on--knowing full well that he would get an earful--A & E, the network that airs "Duck Dynasty," has indefinitely suspended Robertson for his comments.

Do you honestly believe that A & E really didn't know what Phil's opinions were on this particular topic?  I knew, even before GQ magazine published the article.  Anyone who has watched the show can connect the dots for where Phil Robertson's thoughts lie on most subjects, based upon his demeanor and comments made on the program.

What many probably DIDN'T know, was that Phil believes it's not for him to judge, as illustrated in the quote above from the article.  No where in that interview, does Phil say that he wants to "take action against homosexuals."  He merely doesn't agree with the lifestyle.  And when asked about a subject, isn't he entitled to his opinion?

Further, why have we become a society that cannot tolerate opinions?  

If you don't like someone's take on something, you're more than welcome to offer an opposing opinion and have a dialogue about it or even ignore it all together.  But dropping a hammer of punishment for expressing an opinion?  I think it's out of control and incredibly one-sided.

Schools preach about tolerance and acceptance, but yet, we fail to illustrate that the knife needs to cut both ways.  We should be tolerant of EVERYONE who has a differing opinion other than our own, not just those high profile differences, like being gay or lesbian or have a different skin color than our own.  For every acceptance of "pro" there should be a tolerance for a "con."

Perhaps we're all too worried about sexual orientation and skin color, when in reality we should be more concerned with the thickness of our own skin--or lack thereof.  It is NOT for us to judge.  In this day and age, we as a society, are way too sensitive.

I challenge everyone to practice biting their tongue or sitting on their hands for a good five minutes before speaking or typing a retort to something someone says or writes that offends you.  I always ask myself, "What will this accomplish?" prior to responding.  It forces me to think things through before acting.  If I had a nickel for every time I typed something out on Facebook and eventually backspaced and chose not to post a comment, I'd be one rich woman.  

People are going to have opinions.  It's actually a right we have in this country.  Bananas, huh? You are going to have a different opinion from time to time with others.  We are that proverbial melting pot.  So whether you think someone's an asshat for their opinion or you completely agree with them, those differences are what makes this country the best place to live.  Diversity is not one-sided.

You don't have to agree with Phil Robertson, but you should respect his right to speak his opinion.  Whether or not you think it makes him look foolish or smart, it shouldn't matter, as we ALL have the right to our opinions.

In the end, with regard to this particular topic, we're all just helping create more buzz for GQ magazine and the A & E Network, and isn't that what they wanted anyway?  Congratulations, like me, you just became a part of a viral marketing campaign and they're laughing all the way to the bank.  Insert golf clap here.

Sweet Victory

I used to complain about American Idol, when they would run over the broadcast time to announce the winner of their title.  It was pure hell for those of us who DVRed the program to watch it without commercials.  The Voice on NBC did that last night.

Fortunately, I wasn't nearly as upset with The Voice, as I have been in the past with American Idol; mostly because for once, a reality talent show actually had three quality finalists.  I would've been pleased as punch for Will Champlin, Jacquie Lee or Tessanne Chin, no matter which one picked up the win.

Let's face it though, it wasn't a huge surprise that Tessanne won.  If you followed iTunes sales, you could easily see that she had TWO of her songs from the final competition night in the top 10 from the time that broadcast ended, until the reveal show began on Tuesday night.  Further, she sang Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing," flawlessly.  That just doesn't happen.

But Tessanne and her new title are not really the reason for my writing today.  I need to know if, like me, you were mesmerized--and not in a good way--by the Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera duet.

I get that Gaga's thing is crazy fashion and wild looks.  I'm fully aware that Christina has become the Dolly Parton of pop, when it comes to wigs.  At least, I assume she's been sporting wigs, as I find it hard to believe that her hairstylist can change her hair that drastically several times during a live show, but I could be wrong.

Regardless, the duet the two performed was akin to watching visions of sugar plums dancing in children's heads.  Seriously, the pair resembled two balls of cotton candy twirling about on the stage.  When your hair and outfit distract from the vocals, I think it's time to reevaluate your ideas of fashion.  I can't even remember what they sang, or what I thought of it.  All I can think about is white cotton candy and how much cotton candy disgusts me.  It's way too sugary!

That super-sweet thought is applicable for the interview that followed the performance, as it was a love-fest between the two women, who apparently never met, prior to doing this duet together on the show.  It's swell that two rich women, who sing for a living are incredibly smitten with one another.  How refreshing to find out that Gaga is down-to-earth and REFUSED to come on the show, until she could be assured that Christina would perform with her.  I'm not sure how I would've caught some Z's, had I not heard those nuggets.  I can't help but think, had they not gushed on and on about each other, we MIGHT have been able to squeeze in the announcement of who won before the DVR shut off where the broadcast SHOULD HAVE ended.  

Despite the fact that I had to whip out my iPad mini to search for who actually won, it didn't bother me.  I knew Tessanne had pulled out the victory.  And I dreamt of white cotton candy, with extra long eyelashes that would not stop talking.  I may need therapy.

A Bright Idea, Or More Government Intervention?

Start hoarding your incandescent light bulbs, because as of January 1, 2014, the government is pulling the plug. Thanks to 2007 legislation that set minimum efficiency standards for light bulbs, traditional incandescents will soon be phased out and replaced with CFL and LED bulbs. The looming deadline has many Americans stocking up at stores like Home Depot, whose six-month stockpile is rapidly dwindling. But contrary to popular belief, 40- and 60-watt incandescent bulbs won’t be entirely discontinued as of January 1- manufacturers will just be forced to improve them so they draw less wattage. Consumers will find the newer, energy-efficient bulbs take some getting used to- not only do they give off a different-colored light than traditional bulbs, but they’re also a lot more expensive. The trade-off, of course, is that they last longer and consume less power. So are you into this because it's the "green" thing to do, or is this yet another case of the Government telling us how to live? Share your thoughts with us: johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com

Meet The iPotty!

Here’s something you may want on your holiday shopping list...or not! Meet the iPotty by CTA Digital, a training toilet with an attached iPad stand. It won the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood’s TOADY Award for Worst Toy of the Year (TOADY stands for Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young children). Forty-five percent of people voted for the iPotty, saying it distracts children during toilet training and “reinforces unhealthy overuse of digital media.” Runners-up included Monopoly Empire, which features advertisements, and a Play-Doh app. Is this not the most ridiculous children’s toy you’ve heard of? Or do you think this is a smart use of technology? Drop us an email: johnnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com

It's Perfect For Me!

Sure, you can get your iPhone 5s in Apple's own gold finish, but so can just about anyone else with a few hundred dollars to throw around. If you really want to stand out from the crowd, you need the Apple Solid Gold iPhone 5S. Instead of the typical gold finish, this one comes in solid, 24-karat gold covering the edges, top, bottom, and back. $3,300 is the cost. Now, if a solid gold phone is on your Christmas wish list, but you're not an Apple iPhone fan, that's OK -- because for $2,500 you can own a 24-carat gold HTC One Android phone.

Tasty And Approved By Your Dentist!

In the spirit of all the holiday treats that may not be really great for our teeth, I ran across this product and thought I'd share it with you: Cupcake flavored toothpaste! It's made by the Archie McPhee company, and they describe it as, "Brushing your teeth with real frosting kind of defeats the purpose, but with this Cupcake Toothpaste you get all the fabulous flavor of frosting without another root canal! Just put a dollop on your brush and after a few minutes of vigorous brushing your whole mouth will feel frosted! Each tube contains 2.5 oz of potent paste." Each tube is just $5.00, and you can go to this link if you want to order some. I'm not sure about this one, though. I'm just too used to my toothpaste tasting like...toothpaste! I bet the kids will like it though! What do you think, would you be willing to give it a try if you have trouble getting your children to brush their teeth? Drop us an email johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugg-ly!

If you thought Uggs were over, you thought wrong! It seems the much-maligned furry boots are set to make a comeback this holiday season. They were the fourth most popular gift searched for on Google Shopping on Black Friday, and the number one fashion item. Other top trending gifts included video game consoles (which came in first), tablets (second), Beats by Dr. Dre headphones (fifth) and the Barbie Dreamhouse (ninth). Here's the full list of the Top 10:


1. Video game consoles (Sony PlayStation 4, Xbox One) 2. Tablets, 3. Minecraft Legos, 4. UGG boots, 5. Beats by Dr. Dre headphones, 6. Fitbit, 7. The North Face, 8. Rainbow Loom, 9. Barbie Dreamhouse, 10. Nike Air Jordan Retro sneakers

First Pics from Fifty Shades Of Grey!

Here they are! The first photos of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan filming Fifty Shades of Grey have been released! Don’t worry, the pics are safe for work. The two were snapped filming a scene in a Vancouver coffee shop. Click here for a peek. If you've read the book, we're interested in knowing if you think they both look the part? Are you excited for this movie? It also appears there may be two versions of the film released, one R-rated and slightly less raunchy, and the other an NC-17-rated romp that will do justice to the book’s sexual content. Now let's be honest here, which one would you rather see?

Men Spend More Than Women?!

Say it isn't so!  Men, who traditionally scoff at the idea of shopping, actually spend more during the holiday season than women?  Well, according to a survey conducted by ESPN, that's the case.

I suppose, if we break it down, it makes sense.  Women prefer to shop, often without buying at multiple stores, whereas men are more apt to buy more products at one store.  Read: They want to get it over with and onto something else.  

This theory completely explains why anyone who receives a gift from my husband ends up with a flashlight.  He shops at Menards, so while he's picking up his aluminum for making brackets on the race cars, he'll grab a couple of flashlights and voilá, his Christmas shopping is done!

In fairness, I've never heard anyone on the receiving end complain about receiving one of his flashlights.  As a matter of fact, the common response is, "This is great!  I needed one!"  To which, my husband smugly smiles and looks at me, as if to say, "I told you so!"

Not all men opt for such "practical and useful" items, like my husband.  When it comes to their wife or girlfriend, they're likely to spend more because they "want to get it done and please" that person, according to the ESPN research.  That would explain the spending more, if they aren't price comparing.  The study shows that men outspend women by a whopping 39%, when it comes to Christmas shopping.

With that in mind, I fully anticipate receiving a Lightsaber from my husband this year.

Does your husband spend more than you at Christmas time?  Drop us an email!

Look at Her Rack!!

Phil Klein of Champlin, MN landed a buck over the weekend. Or at least he THOUGHT it was a buck.  Turns out it was a doe with antlers!  Apparently, this phenomenon happens, but it's quite rare.  Over the past two years in Minnesota, approximately 197,000 deer were harvested, but only one was reported to be a doe with antlers.

Then again, some hunters may not even realize they have a doe, as they were too enthralled by the antlers? Although, for the life of me, I can't imagine a hunter not first checking out the rack and then slyly lowering the gaze to a buck's nether regions, just out of curiosity.

The Department of Natural Resources says that antlers on a doe would be caused by an overproduction of testosterone.  It makes sense.  I played basketball in middle school with a girl who had the same situation.  She had whiskers, could bench press 300 pounds and emitted a scent similar to my brother's sweat socks.  Sometimes biology is a crazy thing.

It's kind of amusing.  Men chasing after a big rack in the woods and doing the same thing in the bar after the hunt!  And in the case of Phil Klein, he would've landed a female both times.  Here's hoping you land the rack of your dreams this weekend!

  

A Little "Bromance" For Tim McGraw!

Move over Blake Shelton and Adam Levine; we have another bromance brewing. According to People, Tim McGraw was spotted chatting with George Clooney at the bar at The Florida Hotel in Orlando. The two were in area shooting scenes for their upcoming sci-fi film Tomorrowland at NASA's headquarters located close by. The reports say that the two celebrities were seen at the bar talking well into the night. Tomorrowland will also star Hugh Laurie and Britt Robertson and is slated for a release in 2015. What do you think of these "bromances"? A bit weird? What two male celebrities do you think would make a good bromance pair? Drop us an email johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com.

It's Still A Wonderful Life

Here's an update to our story from earlier this week on the proposed sequel to It’s A Wonderful Life. As you can read below in our earlier post, we don't feel it's a good idea. You just shouldn't mess with a classic like this. Well, reports of a planned It’s A Wonderful Life sequel may be premature. Earlier this week, Variety claimed Star Partners and Hummingbird Productions were developing a sequel to the holiday flick, but Paramount Pictures, which owns the rights to the 1946 original, plans to fight it. “No project relating to It's A Wonderful Life can proceed without a license from Paramount,” the studio said in a statement. “To date, these individuals have not obtained any of the necessary rights, and we would take all appropriate steps to protect those rights.” We don't know if Paramount is against the sequel for artistic reasons or if they just want to make sure they get their cut, but hopefully it makes those involved look at it a bit closer before they go ahead and screw around with classic!

Beaver Anal Gland Secretions Revisited

Yesterday, I had my semi-annual check up at the dentist.  These visits generally don't rattle me, as I take pretty good care of my teeth.  I haven't had a cavity since I was a kid and I brush and floss regularly.  

As a matter of fact, I purchased one of those nifty Sonicare toothbrushes and quite frankly, it's been one of the best investments I've ever made.  Rarely, am I at the dentist for more than 30 minutes and it would be less than that, if the hygienist and I didn't chatter so much together.  I do not have to endure that awful scraping sound in my head, as the hygienist uses her steel tools to clean the plaque off of my teeth.  There simply isn't that much there, thanks to the electric toothbrush.

When my hygienist commented how good my teeth looked, I gave credit entirely to that wonderful toothbrush of mine.  She laughed and informed me that there are LOTS of people who actually purchase one of them, but fail to use it enough to make a difference.

That just boggled my brain.  I mean, how could you NOT brush your teeth?  Especially if you sunk some serious cash into a primo electric toothbrush?!

While pondering the insanity of that statement, my hygienist asked me what flavor of polish I wanted: cinnamon, mint or raspberry?

I normally opt for mint, but I have been missing my grandma a lot lately, so I went with raspberry, as she always had a lot of them in her garden.  As soon as the word, "raspberry," left my lips, I had an overwhelming wave of regret, thanks to beaver anal gland secretions.

Yes, beaver anal gland secretions.  We've discussed them previously in this blog.  Also known as Castoreum, beaver anal gland secretions are commonly used in artificial raspberry flavoring.  Also strawberry and sometimes even vanilla, according to my research.

So, as the hygienist continued to polish my teeth with that little motorized metal piece, I had this evil little beaver giggling at me in my mind.  He was dancing and spinning around to wave his tail at me, or his "anal glands" more aptly.

Never before have my teeth felt so clean and so dirty all at the same time.  

Things That Go Snork in the Night

Last night, my husband was working late, which means that he usually toddles home about midnight or later, so when I woke up around 11:30pm to the sound of snoring and saw he wasn't in bed next to me, I was completely befuddled.

I sat up and cocked my head, trying to figure out where the loud sawing of logs was originating.  I'm not going to lie. I was scared.  When you're jolted awake by a noise that you can't identify, it's frightening.  

Sliding my legs over the side of the bed, I began to creep quietly out into the dark kitchen, where the snoring noise got louder.  This caused even more confusion for me.  I flipped on the light and pondered, "Was my husband sleeping somewhere out here tonight?!"

Then I realized exactly who was snoring.  It was our dog, Bo.  He was oblivious to the light being on or me standing over his slumbering body with the thunder emitting from his flapping jowls.

Like I have to do with my husband, I nudged Bo.  He continued to snore away, undeterred.

 Finally, I bent down and shook him awake.  He immediately started wagging his tail, excited that I was there to "play."  I got a big lick to the face and then he promptly rolled over, exposing his belly, beckoning for a scratch.

I obliged, giving him a few extra scratches around his ears and massaged his neck, before heading back into the bedroom, laughing to myself about this adorable, silly snoring dog.  I slid back between the sheets and nestled down, trying to not think about the fact that my alarm would be going off in just a few scant hours.

I was almost nodding off, when the snoring started again.  This time, I just dug the earplugs out of nightstand.  Something I never thought I'd be doing because of the dog!

This whole incident got me thinking, "Can dogs have sleep apnea?!"  I'm clueless, but will be googling that today.  In the meantime, I'll be swinging by the drugstore to pick up more earplugs. 

Dancing & Laughing to the Finals

Bill Engvall did it AGAIN!!  Well, more aptly, his fans did it again!  Bill, who has forever found himself in the bottom with the judge scores has narrowly escaped elimination for weeks on end now, thanks to the fan votes rolling in for him!

Last night was another repeat of this same cycle, as the viewers had to watch Leah Remini go home, after the full combined vote of judges and fans was revealed.  I don't think Leah was that upset to have to go home.  I think she was probably grateful to not have to continue with the brutal physical demands of the competition.  And quite frankly, I wouldn't doubt if Bill Engvall is secretly thinking, "What the heck?! I don't know how much longer my body can keep doing this!"  But I'm sure he'll push through.

I'm not sure if Bill will win the whole thing and snatch the mirror ball trophy from any of the other more proficient celebrity dancers, but I do hope that he will.  Although, in brutal honesty, I don't think that any of the remaining "celebrity" dancers are truly that good anyway.  Further, the only other contestant that I'm familiar with is Jack Osbourne, son of Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne.

That being said, I believe now more than ever that Bill Engvall will win the whole shebang and I couldn't be happier about that prospect!  What do you think?  Drop us an email!

It's A Wonderful Life....Again!

OK, this begs the question: Are there some movies that you just shouldn't screw with? We think this is definitely one that shouldn't be touched. Variety reports that a sequel to the holiday classic...are you ready for this...It’s A Wonderful Life is in development. The film, It’s a Wonderful Life: The Rest of the Story, focuses on George Bailey’s grandson, who is visited by an angel who shows him how life would have been like for everyone if he’d never been born. You can get more details here on the production, but c'mon, really? There are just some films that are so classic they should always stand alone without a sequel, and this is one. Casablanca and Gone With The Wind are two others. You probably have some of your own. And don't accuse us of living in the past. We know we're dating ourselves a bit in our appreciation of these old films and that kids these days probably have never even heard of these masterpieces, but it's the stories that are told in these films and the performances of the actors that are so timeless What do you think? Should any films be considered "sacred"? Which ones? Drop us an email with your thoughts: johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com

A Star Wars Sneek Peek!

John here-- OK at first I was getting really "geeked out" when I heard that they had released the first photo from the production of the new Star Wars movie. Would we see the old cast together again? Some fantastic new ships or planets? Nope. Just good old R2D2. Not that I don't love the little guy, but I was hoping for something more substantial! Just a week after Disney announced the film’s official release date (December 18th, 2015), director J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot posted the first photo of the production. The pic shows Abrams and other staffers standing around R2-D2, with the caption, “Hi from the workshop!” Yeah, hi yourself, J.J. C'mon, gimme something more to stimulate my geekiness!

Rubber People

I've always been amazed at the Asian acrobats in the Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas.  It would appear that type of performance has now become a gymnastic category, with a 3-person insane floor routine.

I have to be honest.  And I'm going to date myself here, but when I was a kid, gymnastics entailed the uneven bars, the balance beam, the vault horse and that artistic floor routine with the long ribbon. (I used to beg my mother to buy me one of those things.)  OK, maybe I actually felt this kind of "Wow" factor, while watching Kurt Thomas on the rings, back in the day, but seriously?  These girls are crazy flexible and strong.

As I sit here, eating a cream-filled donut, I'm pondering the fact that these girls likely have ZERO body fat and most of their "weight" comes from muscle.  If I were a man, I'd be afraid to date one of this women.  Despite the allure of that flexibility, the insane muscles could be dangerous.  I'll let you use your imagination there.

Are you ready to have your mind blown?  Watch the video and know that these Ukrainian girls only placed 3rd behind Russia and Great Britain:

Is There A "Ghost" Of A Chance?

It was probably the biggest chick flick ever: Ghost. And now it may be making a return to the small screen. Paramount Television is developing a TV pilot based on the hit Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore flick. The film starred Swayze as Sam, a murdered man who becomes a ghost and teams up with a psychic (played by Whoopi Goldberg) to avenge his death and communicate with his girlfriend Molly (Moore). So far there’s no word on how the film’s story will be adapted for the small screen. Read more details here. So really, wasn't this the greatest chick flick ever?

Having Your Cake and Eating It Too

I am forever amused by those who participate in or follow along with reality television shows and the "horror" of the results when they don't match up to their expectations.  I mean, you're putting the reigns into the hands of America.  We struggle to get presidential elections right, do you really expect anything different with this stuff?!

Case in point--last night's eliminations on "Dancing with the Stars!"  For weeks, comedian Bill Engvall has found himself at the bottom of the judges scoring.  And for weeks, thanks to America's votes for him, Bill has been "saved" and other dancers have gone home!  Hysterical!

Bill knows he's not a great dancer.  He's never claimed to be one.  And his partner, Emma Slater, a professional dancer had tears rolling down her face at the prospect of going home, as she was fully aware that her partner's effort at the Charleston this last round resembled an epic bit of physical comedy, rivaling side-splitting moves of the legendary Tim Conway.

However, America had other plans.  America LOVES Bill Engvall!  And America instead sent  the feisty and talented Elizabeth Berkley and her pro partner packing.

And the judges went ballistic.  The crowd booed.  And Bill Engvall gave his boyish innocent look to the camera.  He didn't do anything wrong.  He's just an affable, lovable comedian.

Honestly, these reality shows that allow the public to determine the outcome are foolish if they want to cry foul when the results are read.  You put the American people in charge!  We are notorious for rewarding those who have not earned it!  Why should reality shows be any different?!

It's a popularity contest and America would obviously rather sit down and have a beer with Bill Engvall than Elizabeth Berkley!  Boom!  I hope Bill wins the whole kit and caboodle!  GO BILL!!

And Our Picks Are.....

Some years we agree, some years we differ widely. This year a little of both! Here are our picks for the major awards in tonight's CMA awards:

Entertainer Of The Year: Jacklyn-Luke Bryan, John-Blake Shelton
Male Vocalist: Jacklyn-Eric Church, John-Blake Shelton
Female Vocalist: Jacklyn-Miranda Lambert, John-Kacey Musgraves
Vocal Group: Jacklyn-Little Big Town, John-The Band Perry.
Vocal Duo: Jacklyn and John-Florida-Georgia Line
New Artist: Jacklyn-Kacey Musgraves, John-Florida-Georgia Line
Musical Event: Jacklyn and John-"Highway Don't Care", Tim McGraw with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban

But It's So Much Fun!

Try as we might, we parents pretty much can’t avoid embarrassing our kids. And, really, isn't it kinda fun to do? A survey of 2,000 people revealed the top 10 parental behaviors that made kids cringe. Let's see how many of these you've done to your kids, or had your parents do to you!

1.Watching movie sex scenes with your parents.
2.Talking about sex.
3.Using abbreviations like LOL and OMG.
4.Parental PDA.
5.Dads who go through mid-life crises.
6.Moms who read Fifty Shades of Grey.
7.Wearing revealing bathing suits.
8.Getting drunk.
9.Discovering your parents’ sketchy Google search histories.
10.Dressing too young.

Now, what activities or behaviors did your parents do that embarrassed you? And have you ever embarrassed your kids? Drop us an email with your favorite story: johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com

Twerk Or Treat!

Halloween really snuck up on us this year! Don’t be scared- you have one more day to choose a costume. According to Google data, you can expect to see a lot of trick-or-treaters dressed as Minions from theDespicable Me films this year- it was the number-one search topic in October, followed by “Miley Cyruscostume.” In fact, several websites are selling versions of the gray teddy bear leotard Miley wore in her much-talked-about VMAs performance. A word of warning: a small survey revealed single guys aged 27-39 think they have the best shot at going home with a girl dressed like Miley on Halloween. Here's a look at the real deal and one of the costumes available!

If you’re not looking to attract thatkind of attention, consider some of these other popular costume ideas according to Google’s search data: characters from Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones and Duck Dynasty, The Fox from Ylvis’ viral video of the same name and Batman.

John's Arch Nemesis: The Twin Maples

John here~ So I've been recounting my continuing battle with the leaves in our yard as the fall has progressed. Those who've been listening have heard me grumble about the twin maple trees in our front yard that have waited to turn color and drop their leaves this year. They seem to be later than normal this year, and I believe it's a conspiracy. The ash trees in the back yard are done, the crabapple trees in the side yard are done. But the twin maples out front? They're going to make me pick up leaves well into November! Curses, what a diabolical plan! Anyway, I thought I'd share a pic of the two notorious trees in question. As you can see, they've finally turned color and they are certainly beautiful. And although they have started dropping leaves, they have a ways to go. Nasty trees.

Creating the Real Walking Dead

The timing of the news about the new heroin-like drug, Krokodil hitting Wisconsin couldn't have come at a more apropos time, with Halloween on the horizon.  This nasty new, man-made drug, which originated in Russia, is comprised of crushed codeine pills and a mixture of chemicals, like gasoline, lighter fluid and other toxic substances.

Apparently, officials had their first patient in Eau Claire, exhibiting the effects of Krokodil.  The drug literally makes abusers resemble crocodiles, as it rots their flesh from the inside-out, creating a real zombie appearance.  I watched two YouTube videos and couldn't finish either one, as I was choking back the vomit.  The flesh of the abuser was literally gone in one case, revealing only bone, where once a calf muscle existed.  His foot, a mere glob of dead flesh.  If you think you can stomach it, feel free to watch it here.  YouTube has deemed this video to be so horrifically graphic, that they require you to enter a birthdate to prove you are old enough to view it.

There are other videos, but this one is the earliest documentation of the effects that I could find.  It was put up approximately two years ago, which means that it's taken about two years for the vile drug to get to Wisconsin.  Why here? Well, much like a band on tour, it makes sense to pick up another gig between shows. La Crosse and Eau Claire are stopping points between Minneapolis and Chicago.

According to sources, Krokodil is a more potent high and cheaper too, with a going rate of $2 vs. $20 for heroin.  For a junkie, that would be attractive and they are not likely considering the advertising mantra, that you get what you pay for, when it comes to products.  The life expectancy of a Krokodil user is about two years.

I read a lot of Facebook posts over the weekend by people who are outraged at those who could do this drug.  I used to echo those thoughts too, until the fear that someone I love might be tempted to use it.  It's easy to cast dispersions on drug users.  To you and I, it seems like the most stupid thing in the world to do.  We like to be in control of our lives and would NEVER succumb to something like that!  Only junkies do that!

But who are the junkies?  How are they "created?"

Junkies are simply put, somebody's son or daughter.   Somebody's brother or sister.  Somebody's nephew or niece.  More specifically, they are someone who needs help in dealing with some inner problems, but never got that assistance to overcome their demons.  Demons that originated from years of child abuse perhaps, or the effects of seeing awful things during wartime, or even an undiagnosed chemical imbalance.

Not everyone has the "tools" to deal with such adversity.  Some people actually need professional help and many never receive it, whether it's because of their ability to hide or mask their challenges, or their inability to pay for services like therapy or counseling.  Add to that, the stigma of getting therapy, and it makes an already difficult situation virtually impossible.  When you consider this, it's not so hard to understand people who find themselves susceptible to the lure of drugs.  It's an easy way to placate their pain, with an impulsive purchase.

We humans have the propensity to make horrible decisions.  And addictions are a tough thing to beat, particularly on your own.

I have no answers, other than to try harder not to judge those who have riddled their bodies with drugs.  They obviously need some help and have slipped through the cracks in life.  But most importantly, they are somebody's son or daughter and are worthy of love and help... even if they act like they don't want it.  

Who Rules The Pizza World?

If a road trip is in your plans this weekend, and you'll be looking for your favorite pizza place, then this may interest you: FlowingDATA.com has prepared a map of the most prevalent pizza chains in the United States. Domino’s and Papa John’s seem to control the eastern seaboard while Little Caesar’s dominates LA. And Pizza Hut is all over the middle of the country. Take a look at the map here. But it's interesting when you look at our part of the country that the Upper Mid-West seems clogged with all the major chains. Guess we get our choice! Do you have a favorite pizza chain or are you loyal to our local mom and pop pizza joints? Email us at johnandjacklyn@kicks1063.com.

Dog Owners Beware!

If you give your dog (or cat, in some cases) jerky treats, you'll want to read this: The FDA has been actively investigating consumer complaints about jerky pet treats causing illness in dogs and in some cats. As of Sept. 24, 2013, over 3,600 dogs and 10 cats have reportedly become ill from eating jerky pet treats. The scary part is that because pet treats aren't subject to the same scrutiny human foods are, no one knows for sure which brands may contain an ingredient that's making the pooches sick, or even what the suspicious ingredient may be! According to the FDA, "The treats are sold as jerky tenders or strips and are made with chicken, duck, sweet potato, dried fruit, and in combinations of these ingredients." Read the full bulletin from the FDA here.

Harvesting Gas

I've heard a lot of talk about harvesting the methane produced by cows to use as energy for powering our lifestyles, but it would seem that it's getting a little closer to becoming reality.

Researchers from the National Institute of Agriculture Technology in Argentina are on it.  However, they're focusing on gaseous emissions from the smiling end of a cow.  I have to believe if we capitalized on both ends, the power would be golden.

I'm curious if it works exclusively with cows, or if we could hook something up to my husband, as he could likely power up our entire neighborhood and then some.

Doh!!

Bad News:  Someone is likely going to lose their job over this incident on "Dancing with the Stars."  Good News:  You've likely never screwed up this bad in public, so take comfort in that.

Proof-reading is so important.  If you don't believe that, just talk to the guy who was supposed to double check that the phone numbers designated for each performer were displayed correctly.  Instead, mismatched phone numbers were placed with performances of some dancers.  The end result?  No one was eliminated, due to this snafu.

If you're a big fan of comedian Bill Engvall, you're likely believing in some redneck cosmic intervention.  That, or prayer.  Bill was at the bottom of the scores going into the night and despite that heavy anchor around his neck, he will live to dance another week on DWTS.

I love Bill Engvall. His dancing... not so much, but I applaud him for getting out there and giving it his best every week.  And at least he hasn't met his demise by screwing up some graphic that sent producers into cardiac arrest.  He'll still have a job when he leaves the show, unlike the poor guy who did the graphics this week for voting.  Perhaps there's an opening in government for that man?  Maybe assisting to get the phone numbers out for assistance with the new Healthcare Marketplace?

At The Risk Of Offending Blondes...

John here! I found this picture over the weekend and had to share it at the risk of offending the blondes out there. Figured we could all use a little light humor on a Monday, right?

Boob Deodorant?

A friend of mine (male) received a piece of spam in his email yesterday, which he promptly declined, but then forwarded onto me, "in case" I was interested.  How nice of him.  The product?  Breast Deodorant.  True story!

Honestly, I had never heard of it, however if I think long and hard, I can attest to having seen a few women in my life giving a swipe of their underarm deodorant under their boobies.  It's not really that far-fetched.  Skin-on-skin is generally a harbinger of sweat and that situation is not only present with the armpits, but also with under the boobies, between the toes and quite bluntly, also in the family jewels area of the male anatomy.

The whole topic got me pondering and oddly enough, after some research, I found there is a company that makes a nifty "lotion" that can be "rubbed into the offending area." Goes on wet and dries like powder, preventing sweating and chaffing.  However, the image of a man rubbing that stuff into his...  

Did you just spew your drink all over your computer monitor, much as I did?

Perhaps this could become a morning ritual to be shared by couples? They can "help" each other with the application, for a less awkward situation.  Of course, they'd all probably be late for work each day, but I digress.

So, I guess the bottom line is this:  It's a real problem and this stuff is apparently a real solution.  Would you use it?  Have you ever taken your underarm deodorant and used it under your boobs... or your "boys," if you're a guy.  I can honestly say I have not, but this new product that works as a lotion and dries like a powder is intriguing on all fronts... and nether regions, as the case may warrant.

Would you use it? Do you use anything for this apparently "common problem?" Drop us an email!               ~Jacklyn

My Backup Career?

My mother has preached to me all of my life to keep a backup plan ready in all situations.  Whether it's making sure to have an extra bottle of laundry detergent on hand, for when the current one runs out, or having an idea for a backup career, if the current one takes a dive.

Well, guess what mom?  I found my backup career in Madison and it's at "The Snuggle House,"  which opens today, provided all of the proper permits have been obtained.  The best part about it is that it would seem that I won't need to go back to school for an additional degree to do this, as I'm already pretty proficient at snuggling.

Are you confused? Allow me to elaborate.  "The Snuggle House," is a place people can go to get hugged, spooned or cuddled, as touch therapy.  Yep. Perfect strangers can plunk down $60 to spoon with someone for a therapeutic hour.  (Already, my mind is racing, adding up the $60 an hour wage!  I could have my house paid off in no time!!)  Plus, I'm an excellent hugger!

And while Hannah Rode, the manager of the establishment says no hanky-panky will be taking place, I'm not sure what the protocol is to enforce that stance.  But who cares, right?!  I mean I could make $60 an hour as a "Professional Snuggler," like Lonnie Johnson, who is the only male in the place!  Lucky Lonnie!  As the only man, he'll surely make a killing at this gig!  And he sports long hair, so that's sure to be a draw for the lonely middle-aged women, who long for more "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials from Fabio!

Mom will be so proud that I've discovered a backup career for myself!!        ~Jacklyn

Guilty By Association?

Imagine your high school son or daughter received a phone call from a friend, who had drank too much at a party and was seeking a safe ride home.  How would you hope they handle that request?

Well, in the case of Erin Cox, a senior at North Andover High School in Boston, it's a story that makes me question common sense.  After receiving that phone call from a friend, Erin drove to the party to give said inebriated friend a safe ride home.  Shortly after she arrived at the party, so did the police, who proceeded to hand out underage drinking tickets.  Erin was cleared by the police as not having had any alcohol.

However, school officials took a different view on the situation.  Erin was demoted from Team Captain of her volleyball team and suspended for five games, because she was in violation of a zero tolerance policy against drugs and alcohol.

Erin's family has filed a lawsuit and the school reciprocated by filing an injunction.  The judge in the case has ruled that the court does not have jurisdiction in this matter.

So the question becomes, should Erin have allowed her intoxicated friend get behind the wheel and drive, to avoid having a punishment handed down to her by association?  Or should she provide a safe ride to her friend?

If you ask me, common sense should rule here and Erin should NOT have been punished for helping a friend who was intoxicated.  Who knows how many lives she may have saved by providing a safe ride?  And while I can appreciate the zero tolerance policy at the school, surely they should understand that Erin was not drinking, but trying to prevent a bad situation from getting worse.

What do you think? Did the school make the right or wrong decision?  Drop us an email.